the plan

OK, so here is the.. um .. plan.

Take about 500 pangolins and turn them loose in a civic center. while the entire city stops, to take selfies with the cute SOBs, we send a team of trained spider monkeys to position cameras. That way when the squirrels swarm and run in, pick pocketing every one in sight we have it on video and post it online exposing the squirrel mafia!.

It Just _ Might _ Work

damned squirrels.

Procrasti

One of these days I plan to put some real effort into understanding procrastination.

Zardoz

Ya know.. I'm just gonna leave this here....

it is actually a pretty interesting dystopian future story.

Zardoz needs a a reboot. (minus man-kini but keep Connery as a Renegade)

end of the day

"At the end of the day I am responsible.

Tomorrow morning you can either pay for that or reap the rewards as the case may be.

Choose Wisely."

22

22 stoned smurfs drinking old scotch, and a purple rhino singing show tunes...

1, 2, 3 and Go!

SIDProB

see, when you recon all the bull shi* theories with the politics and corporate cash you realize that the implementation of the Serengeti Ibex disarmament and Proliferation Ban was just a red herring. (SIDProb)

The whole time it was militarizing the asiatic pack rat that was the issue!

Grappling hooks

Grappling hooks,

They are one of those things that action movie heroes always seem to have on hand.

In my entire life I have never found a good reason to say, "Let me just pull out this grappling hook."

Narcolepsy?

I see your conversation about national politics and raise it by a question, "If a sloth has narcolepsy, how would it be diagnosed?"

weather

This might surprise you, but I really might believe that there is a secret squirrel mafia controlling the climate and trade conditions of the Southern plains states.....

how else do explain our weather?

One Day

One day, long from now, there will be songs about us. Children will learn of us in history classes, our names will be written in stone by artisans and wept upon by those who could not be here.

They will sing our glory and our memory will be evergreen.

That is one day in a long off future. Today we hunker down, and you, Private, get to go dig a latrine.

Badger Attack

There are many things I could bring myself to lie about, this is not one of them. Upon examination of the evidence provided you will find that it was the Squirrel Mafia that caused the badger to attack and then the ocelot to take a shot.

Any other conclusion can only be the result of Wonka gas exposure.

Immunity

I here by invoke triple blind marmoset immunity from making sense. All inquiries will here after for the next 27 hour day will be met with odd notions and irrelevant noise.

Gaming

Just think some where there could be a group of creatures in a dark cave sitting with a set of dice. The Game Master says "Roll a procedural check"

A goblin hisses "18 + 4 with my book of many loop holes!"

The GM huffs and says "Orks what is your answer?"

The head ork laughs darkly, "My priest summon spirit of Karma and change the rules based on the Goblin Armies past deeds... heh heh...."

As the few possible hero class individuals step back into the shadows the GM intones, "so it is done."

Charisma

I was once told "Charisma" is a measure of how many people will follow you in a very stupid plan.

function

The overall function of a rabid marmoset is equal to twice the velocity of five piranha swimming upstream in Maine.

hamsters

so if we put 39 hamsters in a hotel elevator punched all the buttons how long would it take before the evacuation?

iso

I don't believe it, a hafnium cravat with a thorium vest?

There will be no serious reaction to this!

bird!

It has been brought to my attention that I have a distinct mammalian bias to my meaningless drivel, Here after i shall endeavor to include mor.. <flap Flap Flap> Grrgel "prrrl Rprrl"

no not ..dhrg <flap flap>

PrrlPrrl rpllll!

Alright screw these thrice damned pigeons give me my shot gun!

grinch

...and the Man looked in glowering confusion upon the preparations. He found there strife and conflict, worry and woe. He stood, raised his hand to the sky and he proclaimed "Behold! I am become Grinch, Destroyer of Holiday!", then sat heavily into his chair.

His spouse did stop and look upon the man. Then, raising an eyebrow crossed the room and kissed him on the nose.

The Man did smile, his memory of love and kinder things refreshed. He rose and set to industry, and finished getting things ready for the Holiday.

yarn

busy winding a 400 cu ft neutron motor in wool sock yarn to see what happens at a critical knit point....

salute

Not very often, but every once in a while I look at some one and think, "I would salute you as often as possible in a hostile combat theatre."

match ups

..and that's it. the interstellar wrestling champion Matt Erhe, has just been beaten down by his mothers sister who he was named after.

Proving once and for all that Matt Ehre is no match for Auntie Matt Ehre

The heavy weight bout between Cro Nose and Grab I Tee is still ongoing and will continue. The mass of this undertaking is becoming infinate

norse

Norse Mythology

"Odin did who.. er.. what?"
"Dayam Freya __Really__ wanted that necklace"
"Odin.. again?"
"Where is Thor? what chasing tail in Midgard again?!"
"OH HELL"

"Wait.. Loki is a mother.. of .. a horse.. LOL tell us another one Thor!"

adult

It's supposed to take 10,000 hours to master a skill.

I guess I am a slow learner

I have been an "adult" for well over 236,000 hours and still have no idea what I am doing!

Ides of March

Duuude! what the frak happened at the Forum?? I get down to hear a speech and tank some wine.

It's a disaster! Blood every where dude!

Next I find out Caesar is down like an anchovy salad dressing and Marc Antony is talking about cutting off peoples ears!

Time to get out of Rome man.. Time to get out of Rome!

crazy

You only say I am crazy because you aren't willing to join me!

comercial

Yesterday while putting away some lumber I came up with the best Idea for a superbowl\big event commercial.

just a black screen with the company logo and name and at the bottom center a timer. We'll go for a huuuge corperation with lots of money and say one minute 30 seconds.

when it starts, across the top it says "You have this long to go to the bathroom"

at 1:15 "no really go, go now."
at 1:00 "seriously this is the whole thing."
at 0:45 "you are gonna miss your chance!"
at 0:30 "Wow, you are still here?"
at 0:15 "Call every body who went out back in!
at 0:05 "You are very welcome."
at 0:02 zoom to the logo and catch phrase