insomnia

Lo though I walk through the Valley of wakefulness, I shall fear no insomnia, for Ambien is with me.

polar bear

ya know that feeling you get right after headbutting a rabid polar bear?

basic

10 wake up
20 make coffee
30 drink coffee
40 check caffeine level
50 to low? go to 20
60 at therapeutic level? go to 20

wood chuck

If a woodchuck could chuck wood, would animal rights activist lobby to ban their use by the logging industry?

UFO

If we Identify a UFO as a flying saucer from another planet then is it still technically a UFO?

instructions

Instructions for use of brick wall, "Place head here. repeat as necessary"

seals

Baby Seals Where? Let m grab my club so that i can >Thunk< ...ZZZzzzZZZZ

press 1

To speak with some one who will act like they truly care about your Silly assed problem, Press 1; To speak to some one who will listen with out interrupting to your whining and moping, Press 2; to continue talking to me just stay on the line while I get myself a shot of Whiskey and prepare to laugh.

free

To keep Facebook free, Stand on your right leg and hop three times while bouncing a commodore 64 on your left and and an Amiga on top of your head while chanting "Linux, UNIX, Os2 Wrap, apple II Lisa, Castle Wolfenstien, quark." then turn around three times clockwise real fast. After three repetitions if you puke blue and aqua-marine Face Book will be free for you forever. REPOST EVERY WHERE!!!

morning

morning has broken...

but I have coffee and duct Tape

fda

if peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers then wheres the fda inspection on the peppers peter piper picked?

love

If you love something set it free.. if it comes back it is yours forever, if it does not... Hunt it down, kill it, and destroy all evidence that anything ever happened.

Verily

Verily, I say unto thee.. Verily? where did Verily run off to this time!

jack n jill

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to fetch a pail of water... (like any one believes _that's_ why they went up the hill!)

jack

Nimble and quick aside, why was Jack playing with lit candles?

meeting

Time travelers meeting 2 hrs ago.. _do not_ be late

cookie

I have finally found my somewhat accurate label.. an American born in US Navy Hospital Taiwan.. I am a "Fortune Cookie American"

line forms to the left

still needing small fuzzy woodland creatures... multiple critters welcome, line forms to the left of the place kicking tee

vote

why vote for the lessor of evils.. Vote Cthulhu!

(brought to you by the Miskatonic committee for a cleaner Arkham)

bear hunt

When bear hunting always take some one in a clear lower state of physical fitness than yourself.. remember.. you don't have to out run the bear...

Sam

Sam is awesome .. I mean come on..

half a dozen high end action heroes and a few other rich friends go out to save the world and Bruce Willis brings his gardener to save the day.

yeah Sam is awesome

7

hmmm what exactly would it take to commit all seven deadly sins at once...

A lustful, gluttonous, greedy, and wrathful sin. One full of pride and Envy while still exhibiting sloth.....

Oh wait.. I could troll an internet board; where I have monotized my feed; while surfing porn and eating fried chicken... Yeah that would do it.

oddly not as hard as I thought it would be.

Valentines

Still waiting for permission to celebrate Saint Valentine's Day by posting a body (alla my normal Halloween mode) surrounded by clubs and stones and with its head some feet away.

 I could make them pink clubs and heart shaped stones....

Pairs

Single items called pair and theoretical reason

Pants/shorts - two legs
Glasses - Two lenses
Scissors - two opposing blades
Tongs - two um er grippy things....Not sure entirely
Stockings - again 2 legs
Headphones - two speakers
Pliers - 2 ply--thingies......
Bolt cutters - two hardened steel blades to cut, well bolts.

OK I get it they are _using_ or _made for_ pairs... So what happened with naming the Bra?